Hosting Allergy-Friendly Thanksgivings with Confidence (& Gratitude)
“What if, today, we were just grateful for everything?"
—Charlie Brown
The best part of Thanksgiving isn't what's on the table. It's who's gathered around it.
We often hosted Thanksgiving for the family and would make everything from scratch so our home remained a safe space for our son with multiple food allergies.
When our son was small we never wanted family to bring food for holidays when they offered. We usually declined though we appreciated their thoughtfulness trying to lighten our load as hosts.
"Your presence is all we need. Please don't bring anything. Just bring you..."
As our son grew older and we grew more confident managing his food allergies, we began accepting the family's offers to bring food for the feast.
It has been a (long) learning journey!
Here's What I Learned Hosting Allergy-Friendly Thanksgivings
When family is willing to go the extra mile to keep your food-allergic loved one safe, it's an 'I love you!' from the heart to be gratefully acknowledged, even if you don't/can't accept the offer. Food is love, right?
If you're at a point where you want to say "Yes! Please bring something!" here are strategies we learned along the way that will help you keep your Thanksgiving allergy-friendly and inclusive:
(1) From the outset ask (lots of) questions
Before you say "Yes!" to a food contribution, take a little time to understand exactly what's going into the dish. A few questions upfront can make everyone more comfortable.
Ask contributors to share their recipes.
Recommend safe brands to guide their ingredient choices.
Ask them to text or email images of the food labels from all the ingredients they'll use so you can scan for allergens.
One thing that made a huge difference for us were images of the ingredients/food labels our niece sent. Being able to review them spared us an allergen ambush. A vegan 'butter', for example has two formulations: one with soy, the other with pea protein. The soy version works for my son. The pea version doesn't. Being able to see/read the food label ahead of time helped us help our niece make 100% allergy-friendly dishes for the holiday.
(2) Be patient and methodical when you explain everything
Remember, your family members don't live and breathe food allergies 24/7 like you do. Be grateful for their willingness to learn, even if it takes a few conversations to get there.
Even if you've had 'The Allergy Conversation' a gazillion times stay patient:
They might have forgotten the details.
They may not fully understand food allergies and the risks.
Or, your allergy list might have changed, for better or worse!
A favorite uncle who's cooked for our son for just about forever still asks for a little refresh every time he makes food for my son. And I'm glad he does because my son's allergies have changed over time, most recently (sadly) going in the wrong direction.
Think of these conversations as opportunities to build awareness and understanding. It takes time, but every family member who becomes a little more knowledgeable is another person in your corner.
(3) Be factual
There's a lot to know about allergy-friendly cooking and baking, and it's nuanced because a milk allergy isn't a wheat allergy isn't a peanut allergy and so on. I learned a good lesson trying to bake for a friend's son with different allergies than my son.
Here's how you can bring food contributors up the food allergy learning curve, from label reading to cross contact.
List all the food allergies your family manages.
Provide concrete examples of where the allergens can hide in common ingredients. This article from Allergic Living is a great quick reference you can share. We've always found egg especially tricky because it's hidden in so many things.
Explain 'May Contain' and other voluntary labeling on food labels. This article by Red Sneakers for Oakley for Allergy Force offers an actionable approach for reading food labels.
Explain cross contact: What it is, what it is not, how it happens, how to avoid it. This article offers a user friendly explanation.
When family members want to learn about food allergies, ask questions, read labels, and help make a safe holiday meal that's huge.
(4) Keep your family/guests with food allergies in the know
The goal isn't just to keep everyone safe. It's to help family/guests with food allergies feel fully included and comfortable so they can enjoy the holiday worry-free.
Be sure those with food allergies understand all your food plans. And if they're little, make sure their parents know your plans.
Explain which foods you made, which were brought by others, and how you plan to serve the meal.
Consider inviting all with food allergies to self-serve in the kitchen before food is brought out and shared with everyone else.
As I learned, readying a food-allergic loved one to navigate holidays as they become more independent takes years. It's a gradual process of forming good food allergy habits and transferring know-how over years. It's definitely not a survival crash course the day before Thanksgiving.
(5) Be forgiving if mistakes happen. Learn from them.
Holiday celebrations are complex to navigate with food allergies because of all the moving parts. Even with everyone's best intentions and efforts, food mistakes can happen. They do happen. I've lived this. On two separate holidays my son reacted to mystery triggers in food we vetted, bought, and prepared ourselves.
How you handle the unexpected can become an important teaching moment for your children. They may not always listen to what you say, but they will watch what you do.
Manage the allergic reaction first, of course. Then, when things have settled, try to understand what happened, learn from it, and then move forward. Be forgiving — of yourself, of others — if mistakes were made.
And take heart. Family members who are willing to learn from food allergy mistakes are valuable allies. We all get better at this together.
(6) Stay vigilant and prepared
Keep your epinephrine handy and be ready to — Epi first. Epi fast. — at the first sign of symptoms.
Making Thanksgiving allergy-friendly and inclusive is a team sport. It takes communication, patience, flexibility, and some extra work from everyone making food. But when family members are willing to learn and adjust to look out for one another, that's a gift to be truly grateful for.
May gratitude and joy fill your heart as you celebrate this Thanksgiving.
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."
—Robert Brault, freelance writer & essayist
About the Author: Gayle Rigione is CEO of Allergy Force, the food allergy app. She’s also an allergy mom. She’s lived the heart stopping moments when her son ate the wrong thing, second guessed reactions and raced to the ER. These experiences inspire her to create tech tools for people with food allergies. Whatever you do, do it with a full heart. Audentes Fortuna Iuvat
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Images: Lana Kravchenko on Pexels
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